I apologize for being MIA the last few months! Summer is such a busy time of different schedules! I know you all can relate. For September’s blog, I wanted to share from a speech I had prepared to give this month. Unfortunately it got postponed but I thought it would be fun to share a little of it here! Hope you enjoy, please share if you do!
For us military wives, we’ve experienced marriage very differently than our civilian friends. But if you take away deployments (separation), what about our lives makes it so much harder? The truth is, every marriage is a struggle. The military isn’t the sole battleground for unique challenges, but it does add a magnifying lens to hardships. The job of the spouse plays a large role in dictating the attitude, duties and responsibilities of the wife. For a teacher’s wife, she knows to expect him home at such a time, rarely is there a change to this routine without prior knowledge. A doctor’s wife on the other hand, has gotten used to a late night hospital calls. She’s learned a rhythm to deal with whatever interruption may come when he’s available on call. In both cases the wives have molded to routine.
But a military wife, rarely gets the opportunity to have a routine. The military is so great at changing plans that often PLAN becomes a four letter word. Our husbands schedule is still variable even under the best of situations. Take a training course for instance, he works long hours 14+ hour days and then someone messes up. Now that 14+ hour day becomes an 18+ hour day. He’s grumpy when he does finally return home, and your dinner that you survived 3-year-old Armageddon in order to make is cold and spoiled.
Here’s another example, your lawn has officially passed the point of shaggy and is entering the jungle stage. The husband had planned to cut it the last two weekends, but instead the much needed family time won out or an emergency repair to the car was made instead. Now, he’s going to be in the field for a few days and its left up to you to break out the chainsaw on that bad boy. Something as simple as this routine ‘man job’ has now also become your job and you’ll have to fit it into nap time. How many of you have cut the lawn with a baby monitor on your hip?
Military wives have it harder because we have so much change, because often we have no help (family close by), were asked to perform all sorts of duties that would standardly be part of the husband’s side of the marriage package and of course we play single mom more often than not. And then there are times we have to do all 4 of those simultaneously!
The subtitle for Warrior Wife says; “overcoming the unique challenges of a military marriage” Those unique challenges will present you the choices to become a Warrior Wife. Our role as wives boils down to supporting our husbands, and in this case our warriors. The purpose of our job, not matter the rank, unit, or branch is the same.
When I titled my book Warrior Wife it wasn’t just because I thought it was a catchy name. I wanted to challenge military wives to be more than just a military wife. I desired to encourage them that they can view themselves as Warrior Wives not just a Warriors’ Wife.
Many women are happy, faithful, pleasing to their husbands and children and have long healthy marriages. Not all women go beyond that excellence to surpass it into something greater, and choose victorious living. This is what being a Warrior Wife is all about. Especially when faced with obstacles.
And ladies, the military is one giant obstacle! We are all human and it is natural for us to experience fear, hurt, stress, uncertainty, bitterness. But most of the emotions are secondary responses to the primary source, which in our case is primary the military. If we understand that, then we can direct our energy at finding balance to our problem instead of fueling the emotion, which often gets directed at our husbands.
To be a part of this warrior lifestyle is pretty cool. It’s the stuff of history; people write books about it and make movies about it! Although you’re not the one with the rifle in hand, your support, patience, commitment, and strength make his duty and job a reality. By having you care for the family, the house, him and even the lawn, you make it easier for your spouse to be successful at the task he sets out to accomplish daily.
A man’s good reputation and success begins with his home. As a Warrior Wife we are called to give our husband support; but it is important to give that support with no strings attached and an open heart.
We travel through seasons all our lives, much like the year travels through the four weather seasons. The constant ‘season change’ can stir up emotions and change our lives forever or for just a season. Becoming a Warrior Wife is much like the change of season to the former wives we used to be, As Warrior Wives, we are seeking to become intentional in our marriage and to be positive in our circumstances. It’s a choice every day to be a Warrior Wife, to surpass the rest. We make that choice in our minds, with our actions, and in our hearts. When a season is hard, we have to choose it more frequently.
So, as you go through your military lives I encourage each of you to remember that you’re not alone and that when the hardships of this chosen role come back again and again and again that you will recall the dedication and love of what being a military wife is and also what it means to have to heart of a Warrior Wife.